when i was just a little girl

30 May 2006

When I was just a little girl

When I was just a little girl,
I asked my mother, “What will I be?
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?”
Here’s what she said to me:

“Que sera, sera, Whatever will be, will be;
The future’s not ours to see.
Que sera, sera, What will be, will be.”

When I was just a child in school,
I asked my teacher, “What will I try?
Should I paint pictures” Should I sing songs?”
This was her wise reply:

“Que sera, sera, Whatever will be, will be;
The future’s not ours to see.
Que sera, sera, What will be, will be.”

When I grew up and fell in love.
I asked my sweetheart, “What lies ahead?
Will we have rainbows day after day?”
Here’s what my sweetheart said:

“Que sera, sera, Whatever will be, will be;
The future’s not ours to see.
Que sera, sera, What will be, will be.”

Now I have Children of my own.
They ask their mother, “What will I be?”
Will I be handsome? Will I be rich?”
I tell them tenderly:

“Que sera, sera, Whatever will be, will be;
The future’s not ours to see.
Que sera, sera, What will be, will be.
Que Sera, Sera!”

昨天吃晚餐時，媽媽問我：「你何時會結婚？」。我沒有回答她，她繼續追問著。我於席上告訴她…我沒打算結婚，她面上露出不悅之色。問道：「是你的意思還是邦(豬頭人)的意思？！」我告訴她結婚是為了孩子…如果不打算要孩子根本就不需要婚姻。這時爸爸也開口了：「甘到30歲時怎麼樣？」；妹妹插口：「甘你如果唔結婚…就要現在攞多d佢d錢…不過睇佢以家都無錢…分分鐘要倒貼，如果你真係唔嫁就叫亞媽唔好對亞邦甘好喇！！」她的說話像一支一支的射…全插入我的心房中。心內很難過…草草的吃了兩口就跑回房裏。最近好像有不同的壓力從四面八方湧過來，不知向誰傾訴、不知如何去釋放。對著別人努力堆出笑臉，但當獨自一人時，淚就在淌…我唔想再加添任何壓力在豬頭人身上。

我沒有怪爸媽，我知他倆是出於關心我，不想我會有後悔的一天。我知他們是真心的對我和豬頭人…爸爸昨天在垃圾房裏為豬頭人摷了一整晚、來來回回4、5遍就為替他找一份報紙。

其實無用的是我…我這不孝的女兒，長到這麼大了，還要令他兩老替我担心，一想這樣，心就痛起來。很想告訴他們…我會珍惜自己。當日選了豬頭人…今天我就要維護他。我心裏面很想可以得到爸媽你倆的支持和祝福。我常告訴自己「The future’s not ours to see」，明天一定會更好。